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Sex & Relationships My love hate relationship with FaceTime

Sep. 25, 2017
Avatar zoe allen writer.jpg2c676fc9 2a4a 48cb a392 f278501604bf

My relationships are dependent on FaceTime. Every night, I FaceTime my boyfriend, who lives two hundred miles away from me, and I rely on FaceTime to keep in touch with the people I call my closest friends, who are dispersed throughout the country. 

What is it about me that is drawn to friends who live so far away?

For nine years of my life, camp has been the most important part of my summer, and after nine years, I have some pretty close friends. This past spring, I went to a semester program called CITYterm in New York City, so now I have thirty of my closest friends across the country from Los Angeles to Maine. This creates a weird dynamic in my life, because I am surrounded by love and friendship, but it is physically so far away. Even though I know in my heart that I am not alone, I cannot help but feel alone in my hometown, because I am miles apart from some of the people that I love the most.

I have a love/hate relationship with FaceTime for many reasons—I love that it lets me see and talk to people, but it is only another reminder of how physically far away I am from them. I also find myself at a loss for words when I’m on FaceTime. There are so many things that happen throughout the day that remind me of certain people, things I tell myself I’ll share with them when I call them. But I always forget to do this.

I love FaceTime because I get to see the person and hear their voice, but I hate it because it doesn’t allow me to physically engage. I can’t lean on my boyfriend’s shoulder over FaceTime, or wrap his hand in mine. I can never be back in the same room as all thirty of those people I got to know so well at CITYterm, or eat snacks late at night on our cabin floor. FaceTime is painful because it reminds me of what I’m missing every day. But, ultimately, it reminds me that I’m incredibly lucky to be able to call these people my friends, no matter the distance.

It’s like Carrie Bradshaw once said: “After all, seasons change, and so do cities; people come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart—and, if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away.”