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Sex & Relationships Blushin' while sextin': how not to

Jul. 12, 2018
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The following entry follows an outline expounding how NOT to feel like: 

  1. Crawling into a hole,
  2. Wishing to damn your chastity, and 
  3. Blushing from acute ignominy while SEXTING. 

Disclaimer: By no means do I imply the notion that sexting is appealing to and desired by the masses. To some, sexting is a way to express one’s sexual (and/or emotional) desire for someone else. Others may render sexting ‘gross,’ ‘not their thing,’ or simply prefer to stick to the real deal—which is completely fine. Stay with me, if you’re open to diving in head first, into the shocking culture of modern copulation. 

The whole act of sex texting is nothing new. It is just a more explicit way of saying “Hey, I want you.” However, being pressured or bullied into ‘talking dirty’ and sending nudes is not okay. Moreover, any nude or sexual image of minors can be considered child pornography. Just as sex is meant to be private and enjoyed by both parties, sexting and its boundaries should be discussed, consensual, and voluntary. 

During my first time, I found myself snickering at “Take your left tit in my right hand...” and “Make you beg for more…” As he “whispered in my ear,” I remember quoting Anne Frank in my mind:

“I feel spring awakening, I feel it in my entire body and soul.”

I tried my best to keep a straight face, but it takes a good amount of willpower to break the “Am I really doing this?” reverie. Despite this, I recall an intense feeling of gratification knowing that a boy felt a similar sense of rapport as I. Sexual emotion baffles me because it can be so different for different people. Love and lust are separate entities that come intertwined for some, but not others. Likewise, sexting reflects a combination of either love or lust, or both. 

My greatest fear is having someone I am sexting look at me merely as a sex object. A recurring irrational visualization of the above is being fully clothed, and face to face with a man who pictures a skinned chicken head on top of my naked body. He sees what is normally covered—it frightens me. My other fear is failing to ensure that nothing is going to be awkward during and after the sext sesh. Hence, I have put together several tips to ease our jittery ball of emotion—which is the heart.

  1. Ask yourself over and over (and over) again if sexting is something you really want to do, and not something that you are being forced into. A good sign: your significant other asks you multiple times if you are comfortable with it, and puts you first before their needs. I had wanted to check sexting off my bucket list, and was thrilled to have finally gotten it over with. Remember why you are doing it in the first place, and fulfilling your goal will feel extremely rewarding. 
  2. Get the reassurance you need that your partner’s intentions are similar to yours. For instance, you both could be going at it to get off, to express your love, or to get a good laugh. You don’t want to find yourself romantically sexting someone who just wants to masturbate to your boobs. We’ve all been thrown aside like a used tissue, and we want to ensure that it never happens again. If cautiously trekking down the sext aisle is what we need to do to ensure a happy ending, it is what we are going to do. This means talking about it (with your partner) beforehand, being brutally honest with yourself, and making the right choices. Think: Will I grow more attached to this person even if I’m doing it just for fun? What are the consequences? Must there be boundaries? 
  3. Be honest. You know the wonderful feeling of relief when you finally spill the deets to your friends? Sexting is going to feel so much more fun, playful, and enjoyable when you are honest with your partner. Tell him or her what turns you on, how you are feeling, what you want, what you like that they are doing, etc. Being honest breaks down walls, and anyone who truly accepts you for who you are will love you for it. 
  4. Do not be thinking of anything else while sexting. It’s like studying for a math and history exam at the same time. The two just don’t match up. Sext first, then think about what homework you have to get done, or vice versa. Of course mixing your dirty thoughts and good school-girl vibes gets you confused. It’s like playing tug-of-war with your conscience—to think dirty or to feel embarrassed thinking dirty because you have better things to do with your life. Immerse yourself in a daydream of explicit words, than move on to better things and forget the former till the next time. 
  5. The best way to combat your nervousness is to take a deep breath and take the lead, seriously. Even if it involves being the first to ask the other to take the lead, because you truly suck at getting the ball rolling. Being in control puts you in charge of your emotions and allows you to steer attention away from several unwanted situations. For example, if you are sexting a person who has a foot fetish (yet the sight and mention of feet disgusts the crap out of you), then bring the conversation back to the more important stuff. You can also hide your nerves behind humor. Use inside jokes, sarcasm, or even gifs. I swear, the right person will appreciate it. 

Sexting can be meaningful to some, but not all. If it wasn’t my growing desire to prove that I am a grown sexual being, I guess I sexted to try to convince myself that I could keep up with the world somehow. Sex and love seem to make up a good amount of humanity’s tete a tete, and participating in the hoedown seemed like a good way to reassure myself that I was not forgotten or left behind. I also realize that I have a penchant for expressing doubt about my writing content in my conclusions, but forgive me, because feelings are complicated.