Dating is hard enough as it is without adding extra complications to it. And dating your friend’s ex-boyfriend would definitely be an extra complication. So I had to ask: Is it ever ok to do date your friend's ex?
I asked my friends to chime in on the topic to get their points of view on this potential dating faux pas:
"For me, I would never be able to date my friend’s ex. I'm there for the moments they shared from beginning to end. I'm the shoulder she cried on about him, and I was a listening ear when she was happy. I know all of their business, good and bad. Who's to say HE didn't do something wrong? If he did, what would make me think that he wouldn’t do the same thing to me? Nope, it’s just a boundary I cannot cross -- out of respect for her -- as a woman."
"I'm a firm believer that your friends are like your family. Although we may have our differences or even miss important milestones in each other's lives, we should always have respect for each other. Recently, I was asked by someone else "is it ok to date your friend’s ex"? And my answer was and is no."
Under no circumstances should the idea of you dating your friend's ex enter your mind. As a friend, you have probably watched your friend cry about him, discuss the ups and downs with him, and, in most cases, share intimate details to some extent. Any woman who has no qualms about dating her friend’s ex should not be trusted around your future suitors either.
As a sister-friend, your job is to cheer your friend on and be supportive of her decisions, whether you like them or not. Support her dreams and aspirations and give advice where summoned. But you should never date your friend's ex, even if you have consulted with her and she said it's fine; “it's fine” could mean “let me see if you're really a shitty person”. Like the men say: never break the bro-code. The same applies to women: never break the code of your sister-friends.
I think if the friend has moved on and is over the ex then why not? Now, if you know your friend is still heavy in their feelings about the guy, then no. But. if she’s over him, you shouldn’t possibly miss out on the love of your life just to satisfy someone who doesn’t want that man anymore. If you are really friends, she will understand.
Personally, I believe that dating the ex of a friend is a no-go. As Tonya eluded above, you don’t break girl-code. I don’t care if your friend says that she is over him and she's ok with you dating him. DON’T DO IT! How do you know she’s not just testing you to see if you would really do it? Or, she may actually think she’s ok with you dating him until she sees the two of you together – then she loses it. She may not be as over him as she thought. What then? Is the relationship really worth the risk of losing the friendship? And if so, how important was the friendship to you to begin with? I just think that in life, there are certain unspoken, unwritten rules. Not dating the ex-boyfriends of your friends is definitely one of those rules.