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Four times sex was NOT sexy

Apr. 3, 2017
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You come home after a long day at work, and the lights are off; your favorite song is playing through the speakers. Candles are lining the path to the bedroom. You walk through the door, and there they are, your love, holding two glasses of wine and surrounded by rose petals. The perfect setup for a romantic night of lovemaking with your one and only.

Although this is nice, for those of rest of us who live in the real world, here are some embarrassing and horrifying stories about sex when sex isn’t sexy!       

Gizelle Atherton, age 35, was on a fourth date with a man who she found to be very charming. He was tall, handsome, and they were having a great time. As their date progressed, things started heating up and they ended up at his place. As the drinks were flowing and the clothes started coming off, the date suddenly fell a little short.

“So I go down on him and my first thought is "oh no, it's fucking tiny".” said Atherton.” I think, “ok, don't worry, it’ll grow ". The sad part was that he said in the midst of it all, "I'm a grower, not a shower". By this point, I'm totally grossed out and turned off, but I gave it a bit more of a chance. I suddenly just got up and went to the bathroom and completely shut down.  I was in there a good 10 minutes and when I came out, he was livid. "What happened? Why are you shutting me out? Talk to me. Are you ok?” I explained that I began to feel uncomfortable and decided I would like to go home. He starts to cry and curse and turn completely bat-shit crazy, saying "this is why I never open up to anyone, everyone always leaves me”. I finally made it out of there and lived to tell the tale.”

Andrea Von Bargen, age 51, decided to have a little fun and partake in a one-night-stand after ending things with her long-term boyfriend. During a passionate night with her mysterious stranger, the evening took an uncomfortable turn when the condom went missing. 

“He came so hard that his condom flew off inside of me.” Said Von Bargen.  “At first we didn't know that though, so we were looking all over the bed for the condom afterwards.  When we couldn't find it, I insisted it was still inside.  He had to go up in there and find it and pull it out. I can't even remember his name!”

Alejandro Saavedra, age 38, got more than he bargained for while hooking up with his girl when things got a little cheesy.  

“This one girl had a really bad yeast infection.” said Saavedra. “So gross, I didn't know. When I pulled it out. It looked like cottage cheese all over my dick. Then another time I farted while having sex.  That was funny. We both laughed. I was embarrassed.”  

Jorge Martinez, age 31, engaged in night that kept getting stranger and stranger with every turn, from frightening lies, to hookups that weren’t with him. 

“I was having sex with a girl and she kept slapping me and then she wanted me to slap her back. So I did. Then suddenly she told me that she was 17. I was so confused because I swear I knew for a fact that she was older, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. While she was in the bathroom I checked her ID and it said that she was 21. Then she invited her friend over to have a threesome, I was very excited, so I got us a hotel room. When her friend got there she told me that she was a lesbian and they ended up hooking up with each other, so I went home. It was the strangest night of my life.”