At one point, a lot of us have wondered, “What would happen if I stuck my finger up my boyfriend’s butt? Would he hate it? Would he not hate it?” Think about it: you’re having a good time and everything’s going great. But you wonder what would happen if you did it for a split second. My moment happened on a Tuesday afternoon. My boyfriend and I were getting hot and heavy, and the topic came up during some dirty talk. He laughed and said I didn’t have guts. As the type of person who hates hearing that, I went right in. And much to both of our surprise, he loved it. Even weirder, so did I.

As Ali Wong put it in her first Netflix special, Baby Cobra, a lot of men think the same thing about anal on their end. They think that if they like it when their girlfriend puts something up their butt, it means they’re gay. No, liking that doesn’t mean you’re gay. Throw away those preconceived gender norms and have some fun. There’s a reason why so many girls are putting a finger in their boyfriends’ butt.

What is anal fingering?

It’s exactly what it sounds like: one partner putting their finger (or multiple fingers) up their partner’s anus. While this may seem odd to some at first, many people use it to amplify their foreplay or spice up a rather mundane week in the bedroom. As of late, people have been starting to realize that anal fingering is a lot of fun for their partners who were born male.

Now I get it, the initial thought spooked me. Like, what if it kills the mood? Will it be uncomfortable? Oh God, what if I get poop on me? While poop is always a possibility with anything to do with the butt, it rarely happens. According to an expert at PopSugar, "It is not common for one to actually poop during anal sex. However, you may find that fecal matter is transferred to the fingers, sex toy, or penis if you haven't taken any steps to rinse out the anal canal." My partner and I do anal-related activities a lot, and no poop has ever come into play.

What are the benefits?

For people born with a penis, it unlocks an insane new level of pleasure that they haven’t discovered before. People born as men have their G-spots in their butt, or rather, their prostate. The P-spot, if you will, is a walnut-like lump that’s about five to six centimeters deep. Like the G-spot, it isn’t too difficult to find and once you find it, it makes orgasms that much more amazing. But everyone is different. For some, it may make them orgasm instantly, while others require a little more patience.

Also, the power play gets many of their girlfriends off—myself included. One of my biggest turn-ons is making sure my partner is feeling pleasure all over his body. When I discovered anal fingering, I not only reveled in giving my partner a new kind of pleasure, but I felt like a badass. Like, yes, I’m that chick who’s making this grown man writhe in pleasure, that’s awesome.

How do we go about the anal talk?

Yes, it’s a thing. Like everything in a relationship, communication is key. If one person in the relationship isn’t into the idea of anal fingering, talk about that. Sarah Berry, an accredited sex therapist, wrote about how to discuss consent with your partner. She claims you need to discuss the topics of limits, safewords, and what you’re both willing to do. But if you’re both down, it’s time to get prepared for the next steps.

How do we prepare for anal fingering?

While a finger may seem small, and it is, it’s a rather dry area of the body. So before you even get started, you gotta clean up. He has to clean his butt and you have to clean your hands beforehand.

Once you’re both squeaky clean, it’s time to get started. First, lube up your finger and his butt. Next, it’s time to create the sexiest environment possible. This means breaking out all the romance you can: wine, rose petals, reassuring compliments, and kissing each other at every chance. Lastly, both of you have to be patient. It may not be great the first time around, but give it time. Practice makes perfect.

So, why are girls putting a finger up their boyfriends’ asshole? Because it feels amazing. Let’s face it, doing the same thing repeatedly can get tedious. It’s time to throw away gender norms and have some new fun. If all else fails, at least you tried something new together.