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This is not how bisexuality works

Jun. 29, 2018

Bisexuality, sexual and/or romantic attraction towards two genders, is still often defined through assumptions and misconceptions by which it is surrounded.

To bring light to some people's dark presumptions and color to their grey confusion, I have listed some myths about bisexuals they should be aware of.

1. "She's dating a guy—guess she's straight now."

Choosing eggs for breakfasts doesn't eliminate the fact that I would still eat and appreciate ham. Bisexuals' attraction towards the same sex doesn't diminish when they enter a relationship with the opposite sex.

While dating a man, a bisexual woman can still be attracted to women with crooked smiles. Regardless of sexuality, taken individuals will still find other people attractive. It's normal.

It's similar to a straight male in a heterosexual relationship having a crush on Lilly Collins or any female that resembles her face, body, and/or personality. What's not normal is acting on your desire for another person who is outside your romantic monogamous relationship.

2. "He's just going through a phase."

Bisexuality is not always a stop-over. Bisexuality to many is a lifelong orientation and an absolute identity. Although there are some who undergo a transitional period before coming out as homosexuals or heterosexuals, many bisexuals never wear out their sexual orientation. Their swings are permanently intact.

3. "He has lots of choices, so he's more likely to cheat."

There's no study that proves that a person's sexuality or number of romantic or sexual options plays a great role in infidelity. Cheating depends strictly upon an individual's choice —not their sexuality or gender.

4. "They can't identify as bi, because they've never been in a relationship with a man/woman."

It would seem rather inappropriate to tell a Filipino who grew up in London that he/she is not a Filipino just because he/she's never lived in the Philippines.

One's bisexuality is valid even when they have only been in a relationship with either a man or woman. Bisexuality is about attraction, dreams, and desires. South Korea fascinates me, even though I haven't had the chance to enjoy its physicality and culture. A lack of experience doesn't erase the fact that a bisexual would still hold hands with a pretty girl or kiss a pretty boy.

5. "They're bisexual, so they must be attracted to both men and women equally."

Robyn Ochs, a bisexual activist, defines bisexuality as being "attracted—romantically and/or sexually—to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree."

To some bisexuals, being sexually or romantically involved with the opposite sex is more enjoyable. Some tend to lean more towards people of the same sex, and others are never romantic or sexual with either sex. The incongruency of bisexuals' attraction to men and women doesn't invalidate their sexual orientation.

6. "I heard he's switched to dating girls again—guess he's back to being straight."

It is better not to explicitly assume one's sexuality unless stated otherwise. It is likely that he is still very much fascinated by men and just happens to be dating a girl.

7. "Which one of you is the man/woman?"

Destroy the idea that there's always a man in a female relationship or a woman in a male relationship. This perpetuates heterosexism by copying gender roles similar to straight couples. Heterosexism is the presumption that opposite-sex relationships are superior and the norm.

8. "Bisexuals are attracted to every woman and man they encounter."

Contrary to popular belief, standards apply to all people. Each bisexual person has their own unique set of standards and qualities they tend to fancy.