I had a dream the other night that I had several different fuck buddies in rotation and I had amazing, mind-blowing sex with each one of them. So yeah, it was definitely a dream, because it’s difficult enough to find one dude who can actually make me cum—much less several. I remember making plans in my dream to meet up with one of these studs at 1 PM and then meet up with the other one at 2 PM. Now remember this was a dream, so the logistics of such a schedule were actually possible. In a dreamscape I would be able to get to one dude’s place, have banging sex (multiple orgasms included, of course), leave, drive to the other dude’s place, find parking, and engage in my second course of coitus all within an hour. Being a Los Angeles native, I knew this was only possible in a dream.
So it wasn’t the schedule of my two hook-ups that Dream Me ended up having an issue with, although Real Me is getting anxious just at the thought of such a time crunch—it was the fact that I was hooking up with two separate dudes, one right after the other, that Dream Me was struggling with. Was that gross? Was that sleazy of me? Do I have a problem? Should I be nervous about how slutty I am? I remember pondering these questions with considerable consternation and self-doubt when I woke myself up.
Now imagine my dismay when my freshly awoken brain came to terms with the fact that I wasted such a glorious opportunity to not only have multiple orgasms via two separate dudes, but I could have done it within an hour! And for what? For what?! Because Dream Me was nervous that such a maneuver was not very socially acceptable. Let’s just think about that for a second...
The societal pressures placed on women to not be sexually expressive or even comfortable in their sexuality is so real and ingrained that it impacted my ability to do so even in a dream. In a fucking dream where there are quite literally no rules. My brain was able to fantasize about parking not being an issue in Los Angeles (absurd), but when it came to being in a world where I wouldn’t feel shame for my love for sex, that was just too ludicrous for my mind to create without doubting its validity. That’s some bullshit right there. I have missed out on plenty of fun, orgasm-filled sexual adventures because of such oppressive thoughts in real life, but now it was happening in dream life too. That’s how deeply ingrained the belief that I should not embrace my sexuality is. That realization was a turning point for me.
I want to unlearn this shit. Amy Poehler once said, “It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for.” Well, let those years begin for me now. I don’t want to feel sorry for the part of my identity that really just loves to fuck. All the time. With a lot of different partners. In a lot of different places. And positions. I want to learn to accept this part of myself with open arms and with absolutely no shame, because it’s who I am.
So I decided to document my journey toward unlearning the belief that I should feel shame for how much I love sex. I figured a good place to start was compiling a list of reasons why I love sleeping around:
1. I love the adrenaline rush of sleeping with someone new.
People go cliff-diving and skydiving and all sorts of crazy shit like that for the adrenaline rush. A desire to engage in risk-taking behavior is not uncommon for humans; it makes us feel more alive. That’s the entire storyline of Fight Club in a nutshell for crying out loud.
I like sleeping with a lot of different people for that same feeling. The rush. The excitement. The risk. It’s fun, and I like it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you take precautions. People don’t go skydiving without a parachute. But as long as you wear one, there’s nothing wrong or unacceptable with taking that risk. The same concept should apply to having sex with a lot of different partners. As long as you always wear a condom, use contraception, and maintain open communication with your partners, the behavior is totally natural and nothing to be ashamed of. And even if you personally don’t want to go skydiving, no worries, it’s not for everyone. Just don’t judge those who do want to go skydiving. Ya feel?
2. I love seeing how different people fuck.
Sex is expression, release, ecstasy, passion, intimacy, connection, power, even transformation. Very rarely do we get to see such rawness in others. I enjoy seeing how that rawness presents itself in different people. I get to experience how different people express themselves during their most vulnerable, primal state. I get to experience whatever they need to release at that moment. I get to experience them at their moment of true ecstasy, I get to see it. I get to experience the passion they are feeling in that moment and be a part of it. I get to experience what is intimate to them. I get to experience how they connect with others, not verbally, but physically and emotionally. I get to experience the power they feel when they have sex, and they get to experience mine. I get to experience how someone who is shy and reserved transforms into someone kinky and expressive. I get to experience someone who is kind and compassionate transform into someone who wants control and even dominance. I get to experience someone who is a douchebag transform into someone who cannot for the life of them make me cum. I get to experience all of it and more through sex.
3. I love getting compliments for how good I am at head and in bed.
I won’t lie—I take pride in my sexual abilities. And why shouldn’t I? I know how to connect with people in a very intimate way, and I know how to give other people pleasure. Those are traits I am proud of. Why shouldn’t I do the things that I like to do, am good at, and am proud of all the time? Am I so wrong for wanting to hear my praises being spoken? Am I so wrong for taking pride in seeing my partner’s look of surprise at how quickly they are cumming because of my pussy prowess? Am I so wrong for liking the power I have when I am giving head and know that their pleasure is within my complete control? Am I wrong for finding confidence in my sexuality? I don’t think so. In fact, people who shame me for finding confidence through my sexuality are the wrong ones.
4. I love fucking.
I love fucking. It is as simple as that. If that was the only reason I included in this article, that would be enough. Because there is absolutely nothing wrong with liking, or should I say, loving sex. I love sex. I love to fuck frequently and with many different partners. I love pleasure, I love being naked, I love human connection, I love getting lost in myself and getting lost in someone else, I love having lots and lots of orgasms and playing and kissing and biting and sucking and scratching and choking and being choked and being on top and being suspended and being tied up and I could honestly go on forever. I love it, and I refuse to feel shame for the things I love or be quiet about it any longer. If you don’t want to be open about your sexuality that’s fine, but don’t look down on me for doing it.