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Sex & Love A beginner's guide to sexting

Feb. 14, 2020
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My journey into sexting began when my partner and I found ourselves physically apart from each other for a few months. At first, everything was fine. I spent my free time developing new hobbies and hanging with friends. But let’s be honest—after some time had passed, I was horny as hell. I knew that I wanted to communicate with my partner sexually, but we had never tried sexting before. I was nervous because I didn’t know how my partner would respond. I decided to take the plunge and see what might happen, though, and it turned out to be totally worth it! Sexting has made our sex life even more exciting, especially when we’re physically distant. I know that it can be really intimidating to send that first message, but I promise that you’re in for a world of fun. If you want to try it out, here are five simple steps to sexting.

  1. Make sure that the person you’re sexting is comfortable. As with any sexual act, everything needs to be consensual. A good starting point would be to not sext with someone that you haven’t interacted with sexually before. Of course, there can be exceptions to this rule (like a long-distance relationship) but even then consent needs to be established through clear communication. If you notice that your partner is replying with short answers or doesn’t seem interested, stop sexting and check in with them. 
  2. Start slow. My favorite part about sexting is that you have the power to control the timing and tension between you and your partner. You can start off with a simple compliment and then build into teasing and dirty talk. Sexting is just like in-person sex: you don’t want to go from zero to one-hundred without any foreplay. 
  3. Build up tension. So your partner is totally into it. Great! Now’s the time to have fun and explore. You can talk about hypotheticals, like what you would be doing if you were there in person. Questions are a great way to make your partner feel equally involved. You can ask them what they want from you, where they are at the moment, how they would want to be touched, etc. If you’re interested in roleplay, you can even try that over text. 
  4. Have fun with words. Sexting can be poetic, TBH. I love having fun with my words and sending detailed, creative messages. This is really all a matter of preference, but know that words are artistic in their own right! Remember, tone over text can come across very differently from what you intended it to. I would keep things on the lighter side just to ensure that nobody’s feelings get hurt by accident. 
  5. Sending pictures or videos. First of all, avoid sending pictures to anybody that you don’t trust. If you want to send pictures to somebody that you don’t know super well, I recommend cutting out your face. Close-ups are just as impactful as that mirror shot—I promise. Use an app like Snapchat so you’re notified if the person that you sent the picture to decides to take a screenshot. I would also recommend warning your partner of the incoming nudes so they don’t accidentally open them in front of their mom (trust me, we’ve all almost done it). If you decide to send pictures or videos over text message, do the right thing and delete the content once the conversation is over. 

Sexting is so much easier than it sounds. In fact, it can be even less intimidating than being together in person since you have the power to pick and choose your words. I encourage everyone to try it out and see what works and what doesn’t. Remember: this is all about having fun! Don’t overthink it—just do what feels right for yourself and your partner.