There’s no space for shame or embarrassment in sex. We’re naked, as exposed as we can be. Most of the time, the only person finding your sex attempts cringey rather than smoking hot is you—not the person you’re fucking. We sometimes judge each other’s sexual preferences, pretending like we don’t know we all just want to fuck. In many different positions and places. For many different reasons. At different times and on different days. Tied down or with a fist up your ass, the range is close to infinite. As soon as we accept our own preferences and others’, we can stop being judgmental, repressed assholes and instead become much happier, healthier people.
Sexual liberation is an important aspect of sexual expression in general, which applies to dirty talk. You have to remember that what you want is more important than your fear. It’s often due to social conventions rather than our own desire that we end up not experimenting with our turn-ons. So if you want to dirty talk, drop all pretense and consider the following tips on how to verbally spice things up in the heat of the moment.
Talk with your partner.
This may seem obvious, but knowing your partner is a huge advantage when it comes to dirty talk and frankly sex in general, and I think it’s the very first step to sexual experimentation. Often we don’t bring things up in fear of being judged, but it’s mostly our own insecurity that judges our desires—not other people. So I encourage you to discuss what your fantasies are, and what you’re uncomfortable with. This way you’re both on the same page about what turns you on.
Go with the flow!
Whatever feels fun and sexy to you in the moment is good enough. You don’t need to overthink it, so don’t force it. Go slowly and explore what you both like—how you react to different phrases and atmospheres. Once you feel more comfortable you can press the gas pedal. Just don’t be forceful, and be attentive to your partner’s reactions. If you called your partner a bitch and she’s not moaning or smiling, maybe try something else. But if she answers with fuck yes, daddy then just go with it and don’t be shy. This is your own porno and you get to direct it as long as everyone involved is having a good time.
Verbalizing what’s happening is one of the easiest and most effective ways to turn someone on. If your partner is going down on you and you drop “I fucking love when you eat my pussy,” it’s very likely they’ll eat it even more eagerly. Even when the situation is reversed and you’re the one taking care of business, you can always say something like “I love the way you taste” or “I love looking at you when I blow you.” It doesn’t have to be too imaginative, just make sure you validate your partner and say something that actually turns you on. You can also instruct them on what to do by describing it vividly. That’s hot.
Boost their ego.
The safest way to dirty talk is to speak well of your partner. You can say something hot in the moments when you see your partner is trying to turn you on—when they go down on you or they’re on top. They anticipate you feeling good, so showing them that you’re losing your shit will for sure be taken well. You can simply describe how good they make you feel, how good in bed they are. This also works in reverse. You can dirty talk when you’re the one turning them on. Just remember to be kind and sexy—we all just want to be flattered. You can either whisper it into their ear or scream, it’s all about the atmosphere you’re trying to create and what you’re into.
Call yourself names.
By calling yourself names you can instantly create a certain atmosphere and the level of intensity. Imagine you’re about to blow them. You raise your head and you look in their eyes. There’s a difference between calling yourself his bitch or a naughty girl. It all sets a certain mood, and you can think about what type of terms you think are sexy.
Okay, but what do I say?
I understand that all this advice can sound helpful but some of you may still not feel very creative about the actual words and phrases you can use. Because I love you and want to spoil you, I’ve created lists of things you can say in different situations. If you know any other languages, make sure to think of some sexy terms you know or simply look them up! There’s nothing sexier than using all the tools you can to heat up the atmosphere and turn your partner on. You’re welcome. Now go make me proud.
Feel free to replace “good” with any other adjective you vibe with (amazing, great, wonderful); same goes for any nicknames and terms. Go ahead and replace “baby” with whatever is the most appropriate for you (mommy, mami, daddy, papi, honey, bitch, whore, slut, boy, stud). Finally, for more spice and variation, you can always use some adjectives for nicknames you pick—good, naughty, dirty, freaky, bad, dangerous, tasty, thirsty, hungry. Girl, good girl, and thirsty girl all have different effects, and you can explore them all before you find your favorites.