Ladies: need some help figuring out how best to design your life around the sole purpose of male consumption? You’re in luck! In this article you will find several tips and tricks on how to respond to a man after he has publicly “complimented” you, corrected you on your place in the world, or perhaps shown you just how attracted he is to you by touching you without your consent. 

Each of these pieces of advice will help you maintain your female standing in this world as nothing more than an object for men to enjoy. Happy pleasing! 

1. Smile.

When that special fella walking by you on the street tells you to smile, do it! By instantly doing what he says, you are fulfilling your duty as a woman to please him. It doesn’t matter how you feel in the moment or if you genuinely want to smile--what matters is that you submit to this strange man’s act of dominance over you. It’s important that he knows he has a right to control you and your emotions. 

2. Let them speak. 

Remember, girls: always let men speak. In fact, let them speak over you--or just straight-up interrupt you! After all, what they have to say as men is clearly more important than what you have to say. Even if what you are talking about is something that only women experience or something that you are an expert on, let them explain it to you. After all, they are smarter and just generally better than women. Duh. 

3. Say “Thank you!”

Did that hunk of man just yell “Nice tits!” at you while you were walking on the street? Is that male specimen currently telling you not to get offended by the rape joke he just told you? Did that tall drink of water just slap your ass as you were passing by? Don’t let them get away without saying “Thank you!” In their own unique way, each of these men let you know exactly what they think of you as a person.  

4. Apologize.

If you’ve overstepped your bounds by not immediately thanking a man for showing you your place, make it right and apologize! As women, we need to be constantly apologizing so that men know we are sorry for taking up any space or for existing as more than just a means of pleasing them. 

5. Offer to “blow” them right there.

Honestly, if you don’t want to mess around with any of the other tips, you can just skip right to this one. We all know that nothing gets us hot and bothered quite like being reminded that men see us as nothing more than sexual objects. Prove them right!

**However, if none of these tips happen to work for you, you can always just tell them to go fuck themselves.